Illegal Soccer Two-Slot Loadout Helper

This helper is a decision tree for a HUD that only has slot 1 and slot 2. It is not a simulator. It copies the loadout tier into a lobby-speed format. If you need physics, read gadgets. If you need a job lecture, read playstyles.

Question 1 — What should your team remember you for?

• Goals → Striker
• Stops → Chaos
• A quiet net → Keeper

If two people already said chaos in chat, you do not pick chaos. The helper will still print a chaos pair if you force it; the duplicate penalty still applies.

Question 2 — Which map vibe is this server?

You can tell in the first five seconds:

• Dirt, hanging lights, magenta honeycomb → desert. Grapple and oil play up; jets silhouette you.
• Turf, water, cliffs, red net → coastal. Jets play up; land in the paint.

If you cannot tell, default grapple in slot 1. Grapple is S on both.

Question 3 — Are you willing to pass?

If no, you are chaos even if you typed striker. Take the chaos pair and stop shooting the ball with a musket. If yes, take the striker or keeper pair.

Output table

Job	Desert slot 1 / 2	Coastal slot 1 / 2	You must refuse
Striker	Grapple / jet (or grapple / gun peel)	Jet / grapple	Double gun, midfield oil
Chaos	Grapple / gun	Gun / oil	40-stud dribbles
Keeper	Grapple / oil	Jet / oil	Tourist midfield

Equip that. Look at the HUD. If the numbers 1 and 2 do not match what you thought you clicked, you are still in the locker. Close Jerseys. Come back.

30-second lobby script

1. Type the job.
2. Equip the row.
3. Confirm pips are visible (you are on the pitch, not in a menu).
4. Kickoff. Do not reopen cosmetics until the timer dies.

When to reroll the pair

• You never touched the ball → you picked chaos on a team of chaos. Swap to striker or keeper next match.
• You never fired and still lost every duel → peel gun in slot 2 is allowed.
• You keep slipping → you are standing in your own oil. Dump it on the arc, not under the take.
• A patch row nerfs jets → strikers move jet to “once per box.”

What this helper will never do

It will not randomize a “fun” kit that ignores the row. Fun is a chaos choice you make on purpose. It will not import your Roblox inventory. It will not run Lua.

If the HUD disagrees with the table

Sometimes a patch renames a slot or hides a gadget behind a crate. If you cannot equip grapple, take the next movement toy the lobby actually offers and keep the job. The helper is a job machine, not a skin machine. Do not sit in the locker hunting a tile while the server fills.

Print the row, play the timer, then complain in Discord with a clip if the pair felt wrong. That is how the tier list moves. Until then, two slots are enough and the jersey can wait.